Writing Growth
Semester 1: Personal Writing Goals
I will be sure to make my writing pieces clearer by changing the wording of individual phrases as well as developing my ideas more to fully explain the points of my argument. An example of an unclear and undeveloped sentence from my essay is: "By making this statement, Thoreau suggests that the government education system teaches the bodies of children to fulfill a role in society when they should be gaining intellect and morals through following their senses and instincts." Here is how I would change this sentence to make more sense: "By making this statement, Thoreau suggests that public education systems teach children as if they have only one future possibility for life. Children should be gaining intellect and morals through studying nature and following their senses and instincts.
I will connect the dots more clearly between my topic sentences and the evidence used therein. An example of where I didn't clearly connect my topic and evidence in my Thoreau essay is: "Standardization of textbooks is no different than standardization of military training. Deacon Ball and Henry argue about the punishment of students." An improved introduction to my evidence is: "Henry and Deacon Ball, the headmaster, both believe that education is like military training. However, Henry is very opposed to this way of teaching whereas Ball is in full agreement."
I will connect the dots more clearly between my topic sentences and the evidence used therein. An example of where I didn't clearly connect my topic and evidence in my Thoreau essay is: "Standardization of textbooks is no different than standardization of military training. Deacon Ball and Henry argue about the punishment of students." An improved introduction to my evidence is: "Henry and Deacon Ball, the headmaster, both believe that education is like military training. However, Henry is very opposed to this way of teaching whereas Ball is in full agreement."